You'll often hear people say this, but for me it's got enough merit to bear repeating: "Today is the first day of the rest of your life". This motto is telling us that things may have happened in the past, but we live for our present and our future.
That said, I had my first show in Ithaca. It's a group rather aptly dubbed "Convergance" (the 'a' I'm told stands for 'art'), a symphony of sounds and visuals married together to create a pleasant experience.
There's me at my table. We were hosted by Coltivare, a very lovely NYC style restaurant and bar, only with more spacious restrooms.
I'm bringing all of this up not only to update, but to ponder the nature of my artistic career. I love making and selling art, but I also love writing. I wonder to myself if I'll ever have the discipline to commit to both and still have a life afterwards.
I'm nearly complete with my book; one more rewrite of the earlier chapters and a slight addition of character development is all that's needed before I feel empowered enough to convince a literary agent to represent me.
I'm also applying to the Artist's Market that's held annually in the area, which is at least part of what's inspired me to become so ponderous. Things are in the air. Let's see how well I can juggle.
Monday, March 30, 2015
There are many, many updates to talk about, so I'll list them upfront before I go into detail:
1. I'm finally getting testosterone therapy.
2. I'm living with my fiancée in central NY.
3. I've just joined an art studio collective called Howl Studios.
So, first thing's first. This paragraph my contain what you'd consider TOO MUCH INFORMATION. Seriously, if you're uncomfortable talking about sex, move onto the next paragraph. Now that that was said, let's move forward. Yes, I've finally begun the arduous transition to masculinity, fully covered by insurance. That's right. I can hardly believe it myself. Finally! I'm on week three. Nothing of note has changed. My cheeks have that awkward youthful glow. My throat feels like I swallowed gum. And worst of all, I've apparently gained the sex drive of a teenage boy. For me, personally, I find it annoying to say the least. No, actually, the worst thing is that I suddenly smell. I'm used to not even needing deodorant most days. Other physical changes are due to happen in time, but my doctor prefers to use low doses so it'll be a while.
Welcome back those who skipped ahead. Anyway, yes! I'm living with my dear fiancée, Sarah! She and I work together amazingly well and it's only gotten better once we began sharing a home. We're a team. Oh, and there's a kitty named Watson. He's adorable.
Now, onto the art studio thing. Yep, I've joined Howl Studios and will be having Open Studio hours every week. Not sure when just yet, but I'm moving my art in on the first of April. Sarah's moving her instruments there too. We plan on sharing the room. It's small with no windows, but on the bright side I've got controlled lighting. I thrive off of sharing a space with other artists and I think I'll be very welcome there. I've already met an artist that I'd like to do a collaboration with. Another great thing about the space is that I'll be able to host shows there and show off my artwork on a regular basis to art appreciators!
That's everything for today. I'll be updating this more often now that things have been falling back into place. Thanks for sticking with me.
So, here's a little ramble spawned by my childhood love having been
shattered into many little pieces. That, and a little bit too much
caffeine.
E3, what an amazing place to be... that I
wasn't there for. However, I've been watching Youtube and that's frankly
even better. All of the info with none of the noise or human
interaction. What stood out most glaringly to me was this Sonic game
I've been blissfully (and purposely) unaware of until this point called
Sonic Boom.
No, don't get me wrong, it seems er, okay. And it looks well made.
Though the level design makes me cringe and I can't help but wonder why
Sonic's going around punching and kick- OH GOD WHO IS THAT HIDEOUS
DEFORMED GIANT- oh, OH.... It's, oh GOD! Knuckles, what have they done
to you?!
Sonic the Hedgehog is like the Britney Spears of video games.
That's right. I said it. I went there. (And I guess that makes Mario like Christina?) Though in all honesty, I feel that's doing Britney a bit of a disservice, considering all of her songs are at least playable.
SNAP DIDDLY OH SHIT.
"But hey," I hear the new school fans remark, "Sonic games haven't been ALL bad lately. Take for instance-"
NO! Just, stop right there you! I'm not saying they've been universally BAD lately. It's more like, "meh" or "eh, all right", or even "at least the glitches make it hilarious to torture your Youtube subscribers with". (The Game Grumps taking on the notoriously buggy Sonic '06 for instance.)
Call me spoiled, but I grew up in the Sega Vs. Nintendo era, a time period when mediocre mascot games just didn't cut it. You blow, you go. Bubsy, I'm looking at you. Don't take that out of context. Anyway, upon first laying my hands on a Sega Genesis controller, I fell in love with the tight level design, simple story and speedy game play. I loved how I could find secrets if I slowed down (that's if I felt like it anyway) and took a look. Then, the next game, Sonic 2, added Tails, who was adorable and could fly! Plus, something you can no longer imagine Sonic without, the "super dash attack", better known as the "spin dash" today. And do I even need to elaborate on the beloved genius that is Sonic 3 and Sonic & Knuckles? No? I didn't think so.
Okay, then, there was Sonic 3D Blast. As a naive child I played the hell outta this game, trying so hard to love it, but there was... something wrong. The controls didn't feel right anymore. Sonic had slowed down immensely. The level design was yawn inducing. The characters introduced were unimaginative, and frankly the transformation to three dimensions was ugly. I actually beat this piece of garbage once or twice, considering it was one of about five games I owned, but honestly I even preferred most of my Atari 2600 games over it.
Breakout! Woo!
Yeah, and pretty much every Sonic game after that just didn't have that same magic. (Mind you, I like many never played Sonic CD other than those few spare hours at my aunt's house.) Some were perhaps even enjoyable. Sonic Generations has apparently come the closest to recapturing that magic, but with this latest addition, it seems SEGA is still hell bent on selling us Sonic in 3D, long after the gimmick has lost its charm.
However, just because the Sonic Team isn't paying attention to what the fans demand, doesn't mean there's no supply. There's three amazing games that recapture Sonic at his essence. These games are fun, fast, and reward exploration. And they're made by a fan. They're way better than the official Sonic Rush games that are full of unfair level design, such as huge death pits. Not only that, but for some reason, pressing down while running full speed on a ramp suddenly makes you go slower instead of faster! You should really just try an old Sonic game and then try Sonic Rush and you'll know what I mean. But these three games actually feel almost exactly like old school Sonic.
Tell me why this one dude can satisfy plenty of Retro fans whereas the Sonic Team keep shoveling us garbage over and over again!
Deep down inside, I, like many retro Sonic fans, are longing for his return to glory and for Knuckles to quit taking steroids. Eh, well, I suppose at least he's not speaking in a stereotypical Jamaican accent anymore.
Laci Green is the host of Sex+, a youtube channel dedicated to learning and talking about sex freely and in a positive manner. In this episode, she defines her sexual orientation, pansexuality. Yeah, she's so totally attracted to that pan. Check out her stuff! She has a lot of awesome things to say. Go ahead. I'll wait. Okay, did you watch? Good. And now, on to the article.
As Laci Green states in the video I posted, there are various interpretations of bisexuality, including: liking same and different gender, two genders, men and women, or liking all genders.
There's also the emerging term pansexuality, which generally either means: attraction to all genders or attraction by personality.
Whoa! That's a lot of different interpretations! No wonder people get so confused. Laci takes the stance that it's up to you what you define labels as, and that labels don't get to define you. While I agree with that, I'd like to go one step further and say that we really need to take a look at our definitions and start settling on what the words "bisexual" and "pansexual" mean.
To me, I've taken to identifying as bisexual. I'm attracted to either gender/sex (that includes MTF or FTM, genderqueer and intersex), and I'll even like masculine females or effeminate males. I'm aware not all bisexuals feel that way, and some would even tell me I'm pansexual. But let's think for a moment about heterosexuality and its definition, as it's been established and focused on for quite some time now, being the most common and traditionally accepted "norm".
A heterosexual can pretty much like anyone from the opposite sex, even someone whose gender expression falls elsewhere.
(Gender expression and gender identity are different terms. Identity being who you identify with and expression being how you want to dress and act, but not necessarily who you identify as. Cross dressers are an example of gender expression of the opposite gender.)
It seems these days you can even be heterosexual and open yourself up to transpeople who identify with the gender you're attracted to. Or if that doesn't float your boat, you can just identify queer, which has become a catchall as of late for anyone who rejects the definitions all together. Or you could be heteroqueer, someone who both identifies as heterosexual and queer.
So, I don't count gender expression or physical sex in my sexuality. However, what about genderqueers? I'm attracted to people not on either side identity wise. But some bisexuals would just stick with either end of the binary and nothing between or outside of it.
(Again, queer has become a catchall of sorts, and in this case appears no different. If you're genderqueer, you essentially are checking the "other" box when asked what gender you are. You neither identify male or female, but rather something between or entirely different.)
Well, this is where the argument for pansexuality's existence comes in most strongly. Pansexuality includes every gender identity, including genderqueer and that's generally something all people agree on. Then there's intersex, which is a bit like genderqueer only the physical version of it. People who are intersex may identify as genderqueer, male or female, and not all bisexuals would be attracted to an intersexed individual. However, not all pansexuals would either, but many people would consider themselves pansexual over bisexual if they were attracted to intersex.
Then there's people who are attracted to transsexuals (MTF or FTM). Sometimes, due to this, they may call themselves pansexual in order to include transsexuals. However, I strongly disagree with this assumption. I must remind you that transsexuals don't want to be considered "other gender"; they want to be considered as "opposite gender of the sex they were born as". I want my girlfriend to call me her boyfriend. I want to be considered a man, a sir, a he, and not differentiated merely because I was born as the opposite sex I identify as.
I can only imagine that some intersex, specifically those whose gender identity is either male or female, experience a similar reaction to my own. They'd prefer to be considered the gender they identify with, not what sex they were born with. And therefore, these particular people may also find themselves insulted by people having to be considered pansexual merely to be attracted to them.
So again, genderqueer appears to make the best argument for pansexuality, whether that genderqueer's sex is female, male, or intersex.
But for me, I like genderqueer people, yet I still pick bisexuality. Why? Because, well, I'm not certain. I suppose according to my own argument, I'd be pansexual.
I think I pick bisexual for more emotional reasons. It irritates me that some people would solely consider themselves pansexual because they'd date an FTM or MTF, as if they're an "other" and not the gender they desire to be identified with.
So, that finally brings me to the title of this entry. Should bisexuality be retired? Should we just make up some new definitions? As more and more people find themselves constrained by our outdated definitions, will we finally come together and come up with something better?
Only time will tell. Until then, we're all going to have to be a little more specific when we define our sexual orientations.
Love you guys! Lemme know what you think! And if you've got some new definitions, hit me with them in the comments below!
Dick touching. Docking. Sword fighting. Is it inherently gay? Arin Hanson says intent is more important than the act itself.
Arin Hanson (better known as Egoraptor) is the co-founder of the Let's Play/Podcast show Game Grumps on Youtube. On the show, he came out to his friend and co-star Danny Sexbang of the comedic band Ninja Sexparty that he had in fact "sword fought" with another man. What makes this really funny is that Dan, being aware that Arin is a straight man married to Suzy Berhow, didn't even believe him at first.
Here's an animated version of that very hilarious conversation pulled from the GG episode Ninjabread Man.
I highly recommend you check out both of their channels right now! They're
awesomely talented and also super cool dudes. And nice, really super nice.
For those of you who didn't click the video, Arin explained to Dan that he has in fact "sword fought" with another man, with their actual dicks. An incredulous Dan was then explained about the wonders of the D Club, a little gathering Arin and some friends invented due to being made fun of for being gay, despite being straight. In this club they would prove how comfortable with their sexuality they were by whipping out their dicks periodically to one another and then deciding "nope, still not gay." Occasionally it would become more than that, and one time, things escalated to the point where they used their semi-hard dicks as swords for fun. Dan's reactions to this are absolutely hilarious.
In a later video, Arin and Dan, as they were playing Katamari Damacy, got into a rather heated debate over whether or not touching dicks is "gay". Dan swore up and down that yes, it is, and Arin defended that no, in his experience, it was not a "gay" act, and even went so far as to claim that they should probably have a D Club powwow. You can experience their debate in the following video.
A serious debate on an otherwise hilarious show.
If you know me, then you already know whose side I've taken in this argument. In my opinion, Arin is totally right, and I feel Dan's opinion exposes the ignorant fear he was brought up with in western society, its roots in sexual shaming and the idea that the naked body is sinful. No, I'm not offended, but boy do I find it annoying that there are so many people who would side with him. These people are all prisoners of the penis.
Personally, I think a D Club meeting would be really good for Dan.
Rather than explain my point of view directly, as Arin already has so well, I'd like to illustrate it by giving you all some Story Time! In today's tale, you are a heterosexual male raised in the United States, where even hugging can be considered a gay act if done for "too long", and you've got to be careful not to "send the wrong messages", lest you be mercilessly picked on by society, or WORSE, get hit on by a gay guy (gasp).
You've got a really close group of friends and you're all having a
sleepover, right? Instead of slowly taking the time to each go to the
bathroom to change, you all decide, "fuck it, we're dudes and we trust
each other" and all change in front of one another with promises not to
look. That becomes the norm due to its functionality.
Then, after some time, you guys
joke about how everyone's so scared to look at each other's dicks
because it's funny and helps release the tension. Then, you dare people
to look at one another's dicks and realize it's just a body part and
it's not a big deal. Then, at some point, y'all are so comfy together
you hang out naked together as a mixture of a bonding experience (trust
building) and confidence building.
At some point, you joke about dicks
touching and then you dare to touch dicks, and realize that it doesn't
turn you on, but it's hilarious that it's so taboo for straight guys to
experience, even though it does nothing bad. The world doesn't end and
you're not suddenly gay, and your buddy and you have this closeness
because you trusted one another to experience something many people
would totally judge you for, and yet you did it anyway, together.
You
both weren't turned on at all. The attitude of the room is so jovial
because this situation is ridiculous, so like true men, you take it to
the next level by sword fighting with your floppy manhoods just to prove
how stupid society can be. Nothing bad happens. You're still buddies
with the other dude. You don't suddenly gain an attraction to men. It's
all... all right.
Dicks no longer have power over you. They're just
dicks and you no longer give a single shit over seeing them, or even
touching them.
It feels amazing since overcoming fear and anxiety is
very good for you. It feels even better because society was wrong, and
it makes you feel like the ultimate fearless badass for doing so.
That's all for today. Think about it guys. Who do you side with, and why? Like, comment, subscribe.
In case y'all didn't notice, a long time ago in 2006 when smart phones were just emerging from the murky abyss, internet giant Google bought Youtube, causing a huge buzz among anyone who cares about internet freedom, AKA pretty much everyone else.
People were rightly concerned that Google was getting a little too big for their comfort. Elder folks and historians brought up the very valid point that television and radio both started out as an easy market to join, but certain companies snowballed until they ate up the little people. And we all lost out because of it. All of us. At present day we've got the bloated, commercialized, homogenized and frankly BORING entities we know today.
I was among that group of concerned citizens, and it turned out initially we had little to worry about. Youtube still was capable of being "You" tube, albeit with a few more commercial entities to potentially distract you and waves of issues with copyright placating, some of which continuing to this day. Fair use?! Whoever heard of that?!
Anyway, we're not here to talk about that today. We're here to talk about monopolies.
I hate that Google owns my second favorite entertainment website (first being ThatguywiththeGlasses.com, which branched off of Youtube a long time ago due to Fair Use rights being violated), my blog, my search engine, my map directions engine, and my awesome gmail account.
Even worse, they tried to buy Facebook, but thankfully, that didn't happen. So now, they're pulling a pathetic imitation of the internet changing sensation in response, Google+.
We were not impressed.
But hey, they're Google, and they own us (or at least, they think they do until we remind them AGAIN), so they forced our hands, replacing the heinous battlefield that is the Youtube comment section with their Facebook wannabe.
I'm all for stopping the inevitable reign of Google as Master of the Internet, so initially I was a bit miffed about the youtube comments and user homepage being replaced by Google's desperate reply to Facebook. I was all up in arms, ready to fight the good fight.
However, I got to thinking. Gee, this is really starting to hold people accountable for their comments. Sure, you can still make a Google+ account purely for trolling, but now there's a sense of generally increased visibility. These aren't just youtubers anymore. They are Google+ users. That makes me a user of this Facebook clone too, albeit unwillingly, and the thing about Facebook that separates it from things like 4Chan (bleh) and Youtube is a real sense of accountability and... community.
Honestly too, I feel Google+ is an upgrade in comparison to Youtube's old comment section. What are we really fighting for? Would I even freaking miss that hateful, bigoted ignorant comment section? I didn't even use it regularly until the past few weeks. Huh...
So, again, Google's treatment of Youtube is a mixed bag. On the one hand, we all hate it owning everything, knowing everything, and even owning the livelihood of our entertainment, but... I just don't know! Good play, Google. We're in check again.
People have had a legal right to discriminate
against me until hopefully 2014, when maybe civil rights will be granted
for every citizen. Oh, and let's bring up ageism, how the elderly are
horribly mistreated and discarded in general, or how about the jails
being filled with non-violent offenders who turn violent after release?
Also, the rich literally get away with murder, while I haven't been able
to get a decent paying job for several years (despite having a
Bachelors degree that I still haven't paid off) because so many people
are misinformed about the statistics and effects of minimum wage being
increased and I happen to be too young to be "experienced" and
apparently degrees don't count for that any more, so therefore employers
still get to offer me pay below the poverty line, or perhaps my
favorite, offer me jobs where I work for free in exchange for job
experience (how am I supposed to survive?!). But hey, at least I've
still got EBT to feed myself with. Hey wait! Rich people, stop
scraping away at my grocery money!
...
Crap! Now I need to eat ramen for dinner
instead of something healthy, but at least being unhealthy later on in
life won't--
Crap, that'll be way overpriced thanks to a free market
running rampant. How much is your life worth, anyway? Can the free market determine that? How can I refuse to pay? And don't tell me I can just go to a competitor, because despite promises of breaking up monopolies, trusts and backroom deals, I don't see the United States government cracking down on these things in any significant way.
Despite all of this and more, I still love my
country, but I wouldn't go so far as to call it "the best". That poops
all over a bunch of other countries who have much better ideas than we
do about how to run a nation.
And trust me, there are a lot of good
ideas we can use to improve ourselves, but first, we need to stop
assuming we're the best.
For those of you who haven't heard of CBS's new series 'Elementary', here's a basic synopsis from Deadline.com: Aidan Quinn is set to co-star opposite Jonny Lee Miller and Lucy Liu in CBS’ drama pilot Elementary. The project, written by Robert Doherty,
is set in present day and stars Miller as eccentric Brit Sherlock
Holmes, a former consultant to Scotland Yard whose addiction problems
led him to a rehab center in New York City. Just out of rehab, Holmes
now lives in Brooklyn with “sober companion” Joan Watson (Liu) while
consulting for the NYPD. Quinn will play NYPD Captain Gregson who worked
with Sherlock at Scotland Yard after 9/11 and was so impressed with his
work that he has invited him to work as a consultant to the police in
New York City. Gregson grew accustomed to Sherlock’s “eccentricities” in
the U.K., but knows they won’t necessarily fly in the Big Apple.
'Sherlock' fans love the Bromance!
It sounds terribly familiar. Isn't there some show going on in Britain like that? Yes, that's right. BBC's 'Sherlock' has been somewhat of a phenomenon over the past few years, amassing a pretty impressive fandom. Just to give you an idea; fanfiction.net has over 20,000 'Sherlock' fanfics, with over 1,000 of them being at least 20,000 words long. Deviantart.com has nearly 50,000 fanart/fanfiction entries (and growing). If you're unfamiliar, which I kind of doubt, here's the synopsis according to TVrage.com.
Based on the books by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, this updated version
of the Sherlock Holmes stories is modern, edgy, and dangerous. Set in
present day London, Holmes (Benedict Cumberbatch) is as brilliant and arrogant as ever. His
loyal friend Watson (Martin Freeman) served in the Afghanistan war as an army doctor.
Together, they embark on thrilling, funny, and outrageous adventures.
Anyway, many 'Sherlock' fans (including myself) have been asking why 'Elementary' even exists. 'Sherlock' isn't exactly an easy act to follow. Worse yet, it seems as though it's riding on the popular show's coattails, seeming to expect something of an easy ride. Maybe it's not that bad. Sure, the plot sounds like something a 15 year old fanfiction writer would come up with. Yes, Holmes looks like a slightly younger Gregory House if he fell asleep drunk in a tattoo parlor. But looks can be deceiving!
What is that thing on his arm?
Skeptical, I watched the first episode (twice now), and here's my two cents. First, let's judge it solely based on its own merits. The show takes place in a bizarre reality where consultant detectives are called out to what appear to be average break-ins. Sherlock Holmes is more intelligent than the cops, but so is Watson and so am I because the cops are incompetent. Watson is nearly a wallflower, barely even speaking. We all feel bad for her, having to deal with this pompous asshole. 'Elementary's' Holmes is just another antisocial genius jerk combo for the American audience to gobble up, while Watson is there to look pretty, be innocuous and get used. (House and Cutti/Wilson?) To top it all off, at the end of every predictable (and I do mean predictable) episode, the show plays us off with some "witty" or "ironic" music to wrap things up in a cute little bow. I'm getting really tired of this trend; it's been going on for far too long. It's like the modern day laugh track- seriously folks, really? Now, as a fan of the books, and also of 'Sherlock', I will address a few additional things. Sherlock Holmes and Joan Watson have about as much chemistry as a rock and a melon. I won't even get into Liu's less than stellar performance. I mean, what could she have done to save this plot? Their relationship, instead of being voluntary like in all other reincarnations, is forced. Watson isn't following by request; she's forced to come along. This changes the dynamic without granting us any semblance of a payoff for it. In fact, quite the opposite. Watson looks like a prisoner when Holmes is being a petulant boob to her! And let's get this elephant in the room over with. John Watson was changed into an Asian woman. Why? Do we, the audience, get anything out of this? No. Does the story benefit from this? It doesn't look like it. In fact, it takes away from Holmes's character since him finding women and sex detestable is suddenly awkward (and relatively meaningless). This 'whimsical' decision has led to a number of plot holes. Can you not choose the gender of the sober companion that's going to live and eat and breathe with you every day? Did Sherlock choose to have a woman tailing him, or did his father? Is Sherlock's father just a mean spirited jerk in choosing a woman? Was he hoping Sherlock would fail?
Regardless, now it's going to have to be addressed and gotten over, right? Is he just going to be a jerk to Watson all of the time now just because the plot needed to be so different? Why didn't they just make both characters women?? Why was Holmes relatively unchanged and Watson just changed at a whim? Why wasn't she brought about until after Holmes had already established himself? It cheapens Watson's worth in the story! The original Watson propelled Holmes by authoring his escapades, and this Watson's just there to clean up the ensuing mess Scotland Yard left him in. (Am I correct to presume that Holmes is in this mess because this series occurs in a parallel universe where Holmes is unfortunate not to meet Watson earlier?) Also, about the whole Watson the wallflower thing. We're supposed to identify with her, as she is the narrator character, the normalcy that Holmes can be compared to, but it doesn't translate well. Sure, she begins to ask some questions, but her dialogue is so dry and boring. How can anyone see honey dripping from the walls of their place of residence and be so blase? Why is Watson no longer ex-army? Does her being an ex-surgeon having killed a patient, getting fired for malpractice suddenly make her more interesting? I'll answer that. NO! Also, who in the hell calls anyone by their last names nowadays? Holmes and Watson constantly address each other as such, and its the only antiquated thing that remains, sticking out like a sore thumb. Speaking of sore skin, why does Holmes have a tattoo? No, really. I'd like to know. Is it because he's bohemian? Is it symbolic of something important or is it just there to look pretty? When making an adaption, changes must be made with careful consideration, as modern tropes will generally cheapen it. 'Sherlock' is an example of a well made adaptation, whereas 'Elementary' is nauseatingly boring and idiotic, pulling from some of the most cliched and uninspired popularity of the past few years.
So it appears I can blog via Opera on my phone, though in a somewhat limited fashion at this moment.
My dear Watson and I went on an amazing journey, starting last Sunday. To celebrate her last day of retail Hell, we had decided to go camping. What was originally to be a simple trip out into familiar territory became a 3 day trek as freemen, going wherever our whims took us and taking what travel brought us. We went to Bear Mountain, but the trail was closed so we slept in the car. It rained anyway.
The next day Watson awoke bright eyed while I was tough to start. Turns out it was barely 6am at the time. We decided against mountain hiking, perhaps influenced by our late night and early start, and headed out for coffee and a hot breakfast.
On the way we encountered a Revolutionary War battle site, something dearest enjoys very much, so we went there. We met a very friendly turkey while enjoying the view of the Hudson. The gas prices were horrible, so we stopped in Jersey to make someone fill up the tank. (Ha ha ha.) How they mandate by law attendants fill the tanks while being 30c cheaper I do not know.
We decided on another whim to try camping again, and went to Beaver Lake (or something like that). The camp was so froufrou! There was a well maintained outhouse near our site with plumbing and showers! Also, we got to park the car at our campsite! A beautiful lake full of lifeguards and sandy beaches awaited us, and then we cooked hotdogs on a fire pit with a grill. I've got to practice starting fires. Wet wood is horribly difficult. We slept so well that night.
This adventure gave us so much more than memories. It gave us confidence, experience, and most importantly, bonding. We worked as a team. We spoke from our hearts. We never got tired of each other. I learned we should bring lighter fluid and mouthwash.
I'm a little sick from a jaw infection caused by my wisdom tooth. Oh, and Frankenputer (my computer made of many parts) is dead, hence my need to post via mobile. Fried hard drive. Do motherboards sometimes fry HDs? This is number 3. There will not be any high quality art updates at this moment. Apologies. At least I didn't lose anything this time. I may post cell pictures if I can figure out how.
Humanity comes from a long line of predator prey behavior within its own kind.
Primates are brutal. I watched the manipulative and abhorrent behavior of baboons (not directly related to us) as they used others' young as collateral and I was disgusted. "Humanity doesn't accept such behavior. It is counter productive. Only by working together and helping each other adapt do we truly become great as a species."
I was wrong.
There's actually still plenty of predator prey behavior within mankind. Scammers scam. Commercials lie. Banks put college kids in 10-30 years of indentured servitude (except for the rich ones, who pay off their loans so quickly they pretty much only pay what was owed). The banks... Oh the banks. They are the ultimate predator, preying on the weak with their smiles and promises.
A system that makes the unfortunate pay more and the fortunate pay less is broken. It works out for the banks and for those who make our laws (rich people), but it doesn't work out for the average recent college graduate, who may wish to start a business or invent some new lifesaving medicine but can't all because they owe the banks money. I figured since I was going to a state university that I was so smart and fiscally responsible. I thought that having a degree would make employers clamor over me (like I was promised over and over again). I thought it MATTERED. My very smart sister-in-law never got a chance to complete college, much to her dismay, and so 2005 on she was working. She's worked herself up to a position where she's in charge of others and making a reasonable wage. She paid off her year's worth of private college debt and is free.
She is working right now. I am not. Employers quickly pass me up for someone with "experience", even within my own field of study. No one equates my degree with $30,000 worth of experience, which is an entire year's worth of salary in my field. I am an indentured servant to a bank and I cannot declare bankruptcy as it is government loans, unlike those who were tricked by private credit card companies. I was tricked just as horribly, but I have no way out. Banks are like baboons, holding our youth hostage for their own benefit.
I don't pray, but right now I'm just going to make a general plea. Please publish me. Buy my work. I am a talented and extremely passionate mad genius who has big ideas for this mad mad world.
The American Dream does not apply to the poor, only the lucky.
Fortunately for the rich, most of the poor still believe in the fallacy, because we all still have the right to protest, and we would if only the lies didn't run so deep.
When I finally make it, I'm going to help others (perhaps like that 20 under 20 guy). Hell, I help people now and I have nothing. I am a beautiful human being with big beautiful dreams, and no amount of debt will stop me.
I was watching a commercial on television this evening. It said: "Travel! Reconnect with your family!"
Some anger welled up within me. I responded: "why are we disconnected in the first place?"
That's a simple question with no easy answer.
I had a pretty interactive family growing up. It seemed that as times got harder we could spend less and less time with each other. We were all just so busy trying to survive.
A good portion of people claim that cellphones are the cause of the family becoming distant and people becoming so anti-social. I didn't get a cellphone until I was an adult, and for me, it actually increased my social capabilities. I remember an age with little use of cellphones when I was a teenager, and we all mostly didn't talk to one another unless we knew each other. We sat in awkward silence, avoiding eye contact while reading a book or something. When around friends, we certainly had plenty of moments where
we did our own thing and just enjoyed the presence of one another in
silence, so that picture of teens just playing on their phones around
each other? Perfectly normal looking to me! Before it was "the cellphone's fault", mind you, it was "all television's fault" or "beware of video games". There was even a time when people warned of the phone call disrupting proper social etiquette.
So, at a time when social media and cellphones connect us more than ever,
why has the family drifted apart? Is it really technology's fault we've lost touch with one another? Or is it a generation
or two of overworked and underpaid parents having little time for their children?
The loss of the middle class family has a much larger impact than some may realize.
Waiting for six months only to get a rejection letter could disappoint even the most optimistic individual, so make absolute sure you've sent your best possible work. I've recently submitted Project oHoly Hello to SLG Publishing (the same people who published Jhonen Vasquez's Johnny the Homicidal Maniac), and now I'm going to wait up to six months for a reply.
During this journey, I've looked up countless resources on how to submit to a publisher, but I found very little in the way of advice for comic book creators. The best resource I found was on SLG's site, where they were (thankfully) very clear on what they wanted. From what I've heard, they are on the generous side when it comes to the synopsis, though. Most people would prefer the synopsis be about a page long, whereas SLG was okay as long as it was under 5 pages (double spaced). I suppose each publisher is different.
Here's the general idea of what you should put in your submission to a publisher:
1. Post your name and contact information EVERYWHERE. Make sure they know goddamn well who you are and how to contact you. This is the most important thing. Publishers are busy people and they're not going to go out of their way to find you.
2. Go digital if you can. Traditional paperwork is on the out. While your at it, don't send CDs or promotional material either (unless the publisher specifically wants that). They want simple. You want simple.
3. Include a cover letter introducing yourself, your idea, how you're going to accomplish the idea, and who is working on the project. Within the cover letter, I explained who my audience is, approximately how many chapters there will be, how many pages in each chapter, potential other titles, and how long each chapter will take to complete. I also gave them four rules to follow when reading my synopsis. This was a bold (and not necessarily smart) move, but I found it necessary. My story is unusual, but the shortened synopsis takes out a lot of minute contexts from the story. The full synopsis was 10 pages long, and I let them know there IS a full synopsis containing more side characters, side plots, and character developments.
4. Synopsis. Try to keep this short and sweet. They just want to be sure of a few things. They want to know that you have a solid story set up. They want to have a general idea as to what this story is. They want to be sure it's something they would publish. This was by far the HARDEST part for me. I ended up including a glossary for terms used. The glossary took a page and a half, but I think it made the synopsis a lot more smooth to read. I hyper-linked the words too so you could just click on them to get the definition. I'm not sure if this was necessary or not. It was my way of solving a problem.
5. Character Reference Sheets. In order not to make myself insane, I had to cut out all but central players. Even some of what I'd normally consider central players weren't included just because I managed to cut their plot from the synopsis. I have at least 40 characters. There's no way I could complete all 40 in a timely manner. I cut it down to 14, and that was still an arduous task. Even until the end I had doubts about which characters I had chosen to show. Also, it came to mind that it's too bad my comic is in black and white. Balberith has such pretty eyes.
6. At least 5 pages of the first chapter. I actually included the entire first chapter. I almost included parts of the second chapter too, but the file size was enormous. This shows dedication, functionality, and reassures that your product is worth investing into. Nothing speaks like final product. If you don't have final product, go home. Also, a common misconception is that they'll just steal your idea if you give them too much of it. This is blatantly untrue. As long as it's unfinished, they'd be shooting themselves in the foot to steal your product because they'd have to hire someone to complete it when they could have just paid you. Not to mention the sheer amount of issues of legality. They wouldn't risk being sued. It's far too expensive. No offense; your stuff's good, but it's not THAT good.
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going out with my adorable novel writing sister-in-law. Peach out people.
Luck is the lazy way of saying "statistics". Bad luck and good luck can all somehow be attributed to circumstances, even if they are nearly impossible to explain. Destiny is the lazy way of saying "predetermined". Some like to chalk it up to God. I don't do that. God is the recycling bin where we store ideas not yet understood. Sooner or later God will be responsible for less and less. I don't care whether or not there is something out there; attributing things to it does not help me.
Destiny for me is a far more complex animal.
What about fate? People generally use fate and destiny interchangeably, but to me they're different. Your fate is what is determined by strings of countless actions in the past, AKA your luck. Fate and luck of the draw, they're the same. Your destiny is strongly influenced by fate/luck, but it's your intended destination. You can change your fate as you aim for your destiny.
My good friend Tom says that I've gotten a lot accomplished in this period of unemployment, that it was destiny. It forced me to take the time and energy to refocus on what's truly important in life. If anything it was more fate that caused this period of dreadful monetary woes, but instead of despairing, I held on to my destiny and turned things around.
I've only got to put the final touches on my submission, and I'm taking the time and effort (destiny) to make sure it is as perfect as possible. This was all possible thanks to the ridiculous amount of time I've had on my hands (fate)- but also thanks to the unbelievably strong support of my family (fate). A while back I posted my profile on a dating site (destiny) and in May I received a wonderful private message (fate). We exchanged phone numbers and met the next day (destiny and fate). See how this exchange works? Destiny and Fate/luck are closely linked.
Similarly to how people follow religion, I rely on logic. Logic is reliable, and I can have faith that it will see me through. Emotion, however, has over the years often been my enemy. I've seen the two forces oppose each other. Emotion clouds judgment and causes much unnecessary drama. As a child I'd watch those around me make purely emotional (and quite detrimental) decisions. I came to the conclusion that one ruled by emotions cannot live well.
However, today I've realized that I'm an idiot.
The truth has been staring at me dead in the face for a long time, waiting for my dense and stubborn mind to recognize it. Pure logic is not the ideal I once thought of it as. I used to think one with a pure sense of logic would have the easiest shortcuts through difficult decision making. I thought that the logic of a situation simplified things exponentially. What I hadn't thought of was what drives one to use logic. Logic is like a computer, awaiting a command from its user. It's like natural law without nature. Logic without emotion is stagnant.
I suppose the reason it took me so long to realize this was because I've never been short of emotion. Emotion drives me forward, giving me the desires to utilize my logic. If I weren't inspired, I would not draw. I may use logic to make sense of reality, but my emotional needs drive me to do so. Without passion, courage, and my stubborn nature, I would not accomplish things.
I'd better start giving emotion a bit more credit.
So, I was looking into ADD research to come up with more strategies to cope when I stumbled across a sleep disorder I had never heard of before. (ADD is linked to sleep disorders and anxiety disorders.)
Because what I've found out is so rare and misunderstood, I thought I'd shed some light on it here. Besides, this does indirectly have to do with careers, especially art. You'll see.
Without a doubt I am certain I have a rare and misunderstood sleep disorder, Delayed Sleep Phase Disorder (or DSPD). Have you ever even heard of this? I know I haven't.
For those of you who haven't heard of this, and I'm assuming most of you haven't, here's the facts. People suffering from DSPD have a permanently delayed sleep wake reaction in relation to the environment. They're not tired until at least 2am but often until 4am, and sleep until around noon. (There is also a disorder called Advanced Sleep Phase Disorder, which causes sleep onset and wake to happen earlier than normal.) They tend to sleep normally (or even more than usual) otherwise. If they are forced onto a "normal schedule", even if on this "normal" schedule for an extended period of time, they begin to suffer insomnia symptoms.
It can be likened to experiencing perpetual jet lag. Because this is a rare disorder, it is often mistaken for laziness or regular insomnia. If left undiagnosed, it can cause the sufferer a lot of frustration. Sufferers usually have difficulty with 9-5 jobs and school. Speaking from personal experience, I had poor grades and attendance in school until I took afternoon and night classes in college. Often people with this disorder will do much better with evening shifts, freelance, or being self employed. When traveling, they have extra trouble adjusting to the new time zone. Daylight Savings is difficult to adjust to as well.
I also suspect having lingering mild Non-24, which was much worse when I was a teen. It's an even more rare disorder, affecting less than 1% of the population, most being completely blind. The disorder is pretty simply described; the biological clock is longer than 24 hours, making the patient sleep later and later until it cycles back into normalcy. Most who suffer from this develop it in early teens and no longer display symptoms as adults. If the symptoms still show as adults, they have it permanently. In the blind, this is thought to be caused by lack of perception of day and night. In individuals who can see, the cause is not understood.
When I was a teen, this behavior precisely explains my sleeping habits. I would viciously cycle, staying up an hour later every day. I'd even have days where I fell asleep at 5pm and awoke at 1am! Now I'd say I tend to stay up 10-30 minutes later every day, and with effort I can reset it to my normal schedule (sleep at 2:30, wake at 10:30) without having to cycle all the way through.
My variations tend to be 1:30am-4:30am for sleep (6am-9am if I have insomnia), and 9:30am-12:30pm to wake. Waking earlier than 9:30am no matter what makes me miserable and tired. I find that I absolutely cannot fall asleep normally before 12am.
I'd better bring this to the attention of a doctor as soon as possible so I can be properly diagnosed.
I feel excited and relieved that these are actual sleep disorders! Sure, they're not curable, but at least I can prove to people it's not me just being lazy. If I get proof of this disorder, employers are legally unable to discriminate against me and must provide me with hours within my natural sleep schedule. Plus, I'm being told it's far healthier for me to pursue being a freelance artist or to be my own boss! Yay!
I thought that this section of my previous blog actually deserved its own entry. I'm curious to see where all of these ideas have been going. Anyone would feel lost and overwhelmed having an idea bin this large.
Reject Join the Peace Corps
---a. Anything with some semblance of "army" in it gives me the heebie jeebies.
Maybe Later Make a Non-Profit Organization
---a. I attempted this with friends, and it fell apart. If I were to try again, I'd have to do it alone. If I were to make one, it would be dedicated to bringing Transgender people together under an umbrella of protection. Become a Tattoo Artist
---a. No one in the area will let me be their minion.
Maybe Become a Monk/Voluntary Poor
---a No idea how to get this off the ground, but I would seek and grant wisdom, asking for small donations to live off of.
Go back to School for Marketing
---a Not sure if I'd enjoy this. I have a feeling I'd like it about as much as getting rabies.
Find Someone who will Fund me
---a. There are a lot of poor people who believe in my cause, and I love you all. I'm poor too. But I need to find someone who can fund my cause in addition. But how to find this person? I can dream. Caravaggio had an admirer who housed him for free! ... *sigh* I would have housed Caravaggio for free too.
Keep
Join an Art Colony
---a. Haven't found one that doesn't ask for money, either in residency or in non-refundable application fees. Considering how little money I have, $30 is A LOT to ask for. I will keep looking.
Backpack Around the World
---a. I haven't seriously considered this option yet, as it's somewhat extreme. I want to look more into what I'd have to do to make this happen though, as it sounds like a great experience. I know I'd be using a backpacker site to find houses that will feed me and let me stay the night.
E-publish
---a. I must look into this.
Get a Scholarship for Funding my Art
---a. Just gotta keep trying.
Go back to School for Computers
---a. Gotta complete my taxes and FAFSA.
Make a Comic and let it go Viral
---a. I've got to get my comic to as many people as possible, gaining a fan-base that can support me.
Looking around my sparse bedroom, you'd think to yourself: "this is a lazy person with nothing to live for who clings to the past", and that's certainly how I feel sometimes when I enter the room, but it doesn't reflect me well at all. I'll admit my back is bad, so yeah, lying down in front of a desktop instead of sitting up is a bit necessary for me. Other than that though, I don't see why my room needs to bring me down.
I need some DREAM PORN.
Thinking back, when I was dreaming of going to Japan, I already had so much dream porn surrounding me that I was constantly motivated. Looking around, I still have plenty of potential Japan motivations, except there's one problem with that. I don't want to go to Japan anymore. I've been there, done that.
Now, I want to accomplish one arguably much larger dream: be a famous professional artist.
Every time I say that, a good chunk of my brain laughs at me and tells me how ridiculous I am. Some people also think I'm ridiculous. Fine. The article is right. I need to break this all down into much smaller steps. I've been trying to do that. It's not very easy. I also need motivational reminders.
Some ideas I've played with, put down, and then started playing with again:
1. Join an art colony.
2. Backpack around the world, using a backpackers site to find houses that will feed me and let me stay the night.
3. Join the Peace Corp.
4. Become a monk of some sort, voluntary poor, that seeks and gives wisdom and asks for small donations to live off of. (I'm practically that already.)
5. Make a Non-Profit Organization dedicated to bringing Transgender people together.
6. E-publish.
7. Get a scholarship for funding my art.
8. Become a tattoo artist.
9. Go back to school for computers.
10. Go back to school for marketing.
11. Make a comic and spread it to as many people as possible, gaining a fanbase that can support me.
12. Find someone who's rich and believes in me (HEY STOP LAUGHING!)
... There's more but I'm having trouble remembering.
As for my bedroom I look around and see blah. A Knuckles doll sitting on my broken dresser mirror, staring straight ahead, only mildly interested in the blank wall ahead of him. A little black poodle with red ribbons tied around its ears, something I don't even remember receiving, nor do I have a sentimental attachment to it. I don't even find it fun to look at. I see a really nice monitor attached to a tower past its prime, a towel I've had since I was 16 hanging on my door, a shelf my gram-gram owned that I love cluttered with stuff I can barely see that I am sentimental for, and a window; its scenery including the wanna-be exclusive "Mansion" apartments, filled with occupants I despise, mediocre lifeforms who tend to annoy me with their drama, drugs, and sex.
How in the Hell am I supposed to get inspired here? This is depressing! I cannot change where I am, and I have no money to buy new furniture. Those options aren't viable.
Fine, but I can still change things for the better! Maybe post pictures all over the walls? I'm not sure yet.... I need a more clear path on what to do.
Does anyone appreciate free minions anymore? Two people rejected my proposal outright before I even showed them a portfolio. It was on the grounds that they did not wish to have an apprentice. The place I visited in person was somewhat sympathetic and asked I leave my name and number in case they hear of anyone needing an apprentice. The other place explained "we're a family business so we don't hire outside".
It sounds kind of stupid, but I cried a little. I'm not ashamed to admit it. More rejection and tears are sure to come tomorrow, and that's the way the cookie crumbles.
Tomorrow, I'm hoping to meet someone I've been hearing about forever. But before that happens, I'm going to the college and asking for some advice regarding my situation. I'm also bothering another tattoo parlor.
I need my Minion to have internet access. Minion could go through some of my long daily To Do list (no really, it takes me 6 hours to get through it), leaving me more time to just do what I need to do. My Apprentice is eager to learn what it takes to be an artist, but Apprentice is in England so there's not too much assignment wise. I do hand Apprentice my comic book pages on occasion to be adjusted and word-ified.
There's a long list of sites for me to keep up with. Actually, perhaps this would be helpful for you other potentials out there, so I'll share. Here's my...
In the year 2012, I will no longer seek approval from anyone. I will be myself, because that's enough.
I'm extraordinarily hardworking, and all of this "seeking to appease" is interrupting what I need to do to shine. I'm not cut out for retail; it's not for me. I'm weird. I need to be with weird people. All of the normal people stifle and bore me. I'm a role model. I want to show my niece what hard work can accomplish. I can't fail. I need to try even harder.
People will realize I'm somebody in 2012, and if not, they will in 2013. I will work so hard. Sweat, blood, and tears.
It may not be a conventional path, but please support me into my descent into the unknown. If you cannot support me, that's okay too. I will make it. I'm strong.
Plans for 2012:
Train under a tattoo artist. There's plenty of tattoo parlors here. I'll train for free if I have to. I'll beg on my knees. I'll stalk people. I just need this blandness to stop!!
Go to college for computer repair. Might as well.
Finish Chapter 2. Peddle O Holy Hello and beg and beg until someone publishes me. Because they really should.
Finish my Underbelly of a Book series and post it at Darkside Records.
Finish my Original Gender series and post it... somewhere. Not sure where yet.
Sorry, I had gotten a job. For a few weeks, I was working nearly 40 hours a week. Then my hours were cutting down, but I had to purchase Christmas presents.How does any artist have both a life and a retail job they must travel 30 minutes back and forth?
From this moment on, I intend on spending little money and saving it all up for the inevitable end of this seasonal position.
I did somehow manage to make two pages of chapter two so far, mostly during lunch breaks or while I was being the GM to the table top RPG I've made out of my comic.
Being the GM to a game about my own universe is really fun and it gets people interested in my series, so hurray. I'm hoping to build up even more PR over the next upcoming months. The comic should always come first in importance, and it does, but with almost no one there to read it, it just falls victim to the sands of time, lost forever. I must implant my insane world into as many people's heads as possible. Mua ha ha haaaa.
