Roid Rage, A Classic Sonic Fan's Rantings

So, here's a little ramble spawned by my childhood love having been shattered into many little pieces. That, and a little bit too much caffeine.

E3, what an amazing place to be... that I wasn't there for. However, I've been watching Youtube and that's frankly even better. All of the info with none of the noise or human interaction. What stood out most glaringly to me was this Sonic game I've been blissfully (and purposely) unaware of until this point called Sonic Boom.

No, don't get me wrong, it seems er, okay. And it looks well made. Though the level design makes me cringe and I can't help but wonder why Sonic's going around punching and kick- OH GOD WHO IS THAT HIDEOUS DEFORMED GIANT- oh, OH.... It's, oh GOD! Knuckles, what have they done to you?!

Sonic the Hedgehog is like the Britney Spears of video games.

That's right. I said it. I went there. (And I guess that makes Mario like Christina?) Though in all honesty, I feel that's doing Britney a bit of a disservice, considering all of her songs are at least playable.

SNAP DIDDLY OH SHIT.

"But hey," I hear the new school fans remark, "Sonic games haven't been ALL bad lately. Take for instance-"

NO! Just, stop right there you! I'm not saying they've been universally BAD lately. It's more like, "meh" or "eh, all right", or even "at least the glitches make it hilarious to torture your Youtube subscribers with". (The Game Grumps taking on the notoriously buggy Sonic '06 for instance.)

Call me spoiled, but I grew up in the Sega Vs. Nintendo era, a time period when mediocre mascot games just didn't cut it. You blow, you go. Bubsy, I'm looking at you. Don't take that out of context. Anyway, upon first laying my hands on a Sega Genesis controller, I fell in love with the tight level design, simple story and speedy game play. I loved how I could find secrets if I slowed down (that's if I felt like it anyway) and took a look. Then, the next game, Sonic 2, added Tails, who was adorable and could fly! Plus, something you can no longer imagine Sonic without, the "super dash attack", better known as the "spin dash" today. And do I even need to elaborate on the beloved genius that is Sonic 3 and Sonic & Knuckles? No? I didn't think so.

Okay, then, there was Sonic 3D Blast. As a naive child I played the hell outta this game, trying so hard to love it, but there was... something wrong. The controls didn't feel right anymore. Sonic had slowed down immensely. The level design was yawn inducing. The characters introduced were unimaginative, and frankly the transformation to three dimensions was ugly. I actually beat this piece of garbage once or twice, considering it was one of about five games I owned, but honestly I even preferred most of my Atari 2600 games over it.

Breakout! Woo!

 Yeah, and pretty much every Sonic game after that just didn't have that same magic. (Mind you, I like many never played Sonic CD other than those few spare hours at my aunt's house.) Some were perhaps even enjoyable. Sonic Generations has apparently come the closest to recapturing that magic, but with this latest addition, it seems SEGA is still hell bent on selling us Sonic in 3D, long after the gimmick has lost its charm.

However, just because the Sonic Team isn't paying attention to what the fans demand, doesn't mean there's no supply. There's three amazing games that recapture Sonic at his essence. These games are fun, fast, and reward exploration. And they're made by a fan. They're way better than the official Sonic Rush games that are full of unfair level design, such as huge death pits. Not only that, but for some reason, pressing down while running full speed on a ramp suddenly makes you go slower instead of faster! You should really just try an old Sonic game and then try Sonic Rush and you'll know what I mean. But these three games actually feel almost exactly like old school Sonic.

http://info.sonicretro.org/Sonic_Before_the_Sequel
http://info.sonicretro.org/Sonic_After_the_Sequel
https://sites.google.com/site/sonicchronoadventure/

Tell me why this one dude can satisfy plenty of Retro fans whereas the Sonic Team keep shoveling us garbage over and over again!

Deep down inside, I, like many retro Sonic fans, are longing for his return to glory and for Knuckles to quit taking steroids. Eh, well, I suppose at least he's not speaking in a stereotypical Jamaican accent anymore.

Even Classic Sonic made mistakes.

Should Bisexuality be Retired?

Laci Green is the host of Sex+, a youtube channel dedicated to learning and talking about sex freely and in a positive manner. In this episode, she defines her sexual orientation, pansexuality. Yeah, she's so totally attracted to that pan. Check out her stuff! She has a lot of awesome things to say. Go ahead. I'll wait. Okay, did you watch? Good. And now, on to the article.

As Laci Green states in the video I posted, there are various interpretations of bisexuality, including: liking same and different gender, two genders, men and women, or liking all genders.

There's also the emerging term pansexuality, which generally either means: attraction to all genders or attraction by personality.

Whoa! That's a lot of different interpretations! No wonder people get so confused. Laci takes the stance that it's up to you what you define labels as, and that labels don't get to define you. While I agree with that, I'd like to go one step further and say that we really need to take a look at our definitions and start settling on what the words "bisexual" and "pansexual" mean.

To me, I've taken to identifying as bisexual. I'm attracted to either gender/sex (that includes MTF or FTM, genderqueer and intersex), and I'll even like masculine females or effeminate males. I'm aware not all bisexuals feel that way, and some would even tell me I'm pansexual. But let's think for a moment about heterosexuality and its definition, as it's been established and focused on for quite some time now, being the most common and traditionally accepted "norm".

A heterosexual can pretty much like anyone from the opposite sex, even someone whose gender expression falls elsewhere.

(Gender expression and gender identity are different terms. Identity being who you identify with and expression being how you want to dress and act, but not necessarily who you identify as. Cross dressers are an example of gender expression of the opposite gender.)

It seems these days you can even be heterosexual and open yourself up to transpeople who identify with the gender you're attracted to. Or if that doesn't float your boat, you can just identify queer, which has become a catchall as of late for anyone who rejects the definitions all together. Or you could be heteroqueer, someone who both identifies as heterosexual and queer.

So, I don't count gender expression or physical sex in my sexuality. However, what about genderqueers? I'm attracted to people not on either side identity wise. But some bisexuals would just stick with either end of the binary and nothing between or outside of it.

(Again, queer has become a catchall of sorts, and in this case appears no different. If you're genderqueer, you essentially are checking the "other" box when asked what gender you are. You neither identify male or female, but rather something between or entirely different.)

Well, this is where the argument for pansexuality's existence comes in most strongly. Pansexuality includes every gender identity, including genderqueer and that's generally something all people agree on. Then there's intersex, which is a bit like genderqueer only the physical version of it. People who are intersex may identify as genderqueer, male or female, and not all bisexuals would be attracted to an intersexed individual. However, not all pansexuals would either, but many people would consider themselves pansexual over bisexual if they were attracted to intersex.

Then there's people who are attracted to transsexuals (MTF or FTM). Sometimes, due to this, they may call themselves pansexual in order to include transsexuals. However, I strongly disagree with this assumption. I must remind you that transsexuals don't want to be considered "other gender"; they want to be considered as "opposite gender of the sex they were born as". I want my girlfriend to call me her boyfriend. I want to be considered a man, a sir, a he, and not differentiated merely because I was born as the opposite sex I identify as.

I can only imagine that some intersex, specifically those whose gender identity is either male or female, experience a similar reaction to my own. They'd prefer to be considered the gender they identify with, not what sex they were born with. And therefore, these particular people may also find themselves insulted by people having to be considered pansexual merely to be attracted to them.

So again, genderqueer appears to make the best argument for pansexuality, whether that genderqueer's sex is female, male, or intersex.

But for me, I like genderqueer people, yet I still pick bisexuality. Why? Because, well, I'm not certain. I suppose according to my own argument, I'd be pansexual.

I think I pick bisexual for more emotional reasons. It irritates me that some people would solely consider themselves pansexual because they'd date an FTM or MTF, as if they're an "other" and not the gender they desire to be identified with.

So, that finally brings me to the title of this entry. Should bisexuality be retired? Should we just make up some new definitions? As more and more people find themselves constrained by our outdated definitions, will we finally come together and come up with something better?

Only time will tell. Until then, we're all going to have to be a little more specific when we define our sexual orientations.

Love you guys! Lemme know what you think! And if you've got some new definitions, hit me with them in the comments below!

Dick Touching is so GAY

Dick touching. Docking. Sword fighting. Is it inherently gay? Arin Hanson says intent is more important than the act itself.

Arin Hanson (better known as Egoraptor) is the co-founder of the Let's Play/Podcast show Game Grumps on Youtube. On the show, he came out to his friend and co-star Danny Sexbang of the comedic band Ninja Sexparty that he had in fact "sword fought" with another man. What makes this really funny is that Dan, being aware that Arin is a straight man married to Suzy Berhow, didn't even believe him at first.

Here's an animated version of that very hilarious conversation pulled from the GG episode Ninjabread Man.

I highly recommend you check out both of their channels right now! They're 

awesomely talented and also super cool dudes. And nice, really super nice.

For those of you who didn't click the video, Arin explained to Dan that he has in fact "sword fought" with another man, with their actual dicks. An incredulous Dan was then explained about the wonders of the D Club, a little gathering Arin and some friends invented due to being made fun of for being gay, despite being straight. In this club they would prove how comfortable with their sexuality they were by whipping out their dicks periodically to one another and then deciding "nope, still not gay." Occasionally it would become more than that, and one time, things escalated to the point where they used their semi-hard dicks as swords for fun. Dan's reactions to this are absolutely hilarious.

In a later video, Arin and Dan, as they were playing Katamari Damacy, got into a rather heated debate over whether or not touching dicks is "gay". Dan swore up and down that yes, it is, and Arin defended that no, in his experience, it was not a "gay" act, and even went so far as to claim that they should probably have a D Club powwow. You can experience their debate in the following video.

A serious debate on an otherwise hilarious show.

 
If you know me, then you already know whose side I've taken in this argument. In my opinion, Arin is totally right, and I feel Dan's opinion exposes the ignorant fear he was brought up with in western society, its roots in sexual shaming and the idea that the naked body is sinful. No, I'm not offended, but boy do I find it annoying that there are so many people who would side with him. These people are all prisoners of the penis.

Personally, I think a D Club meeting would be really good for Dan.

Rather than explain my point of view directly, as Arin already has so well, I'd like to illustrate it by giving you all some Story Time! In today's tale, you are a heterosexual male raised in the United States, where even hugging can be considered a gay act if done for "too long", and you've got to be careful not to "send the wrong messages", lest you be mercilessly picked on by society, or WORSE, get hit on by a gay guy (gasp).

You've got a really close group of friends and you're all having a sleepover, right? Instead of slowly taking the time to each go to the bathroom to change, you all decide, "fuck it, we're dudes and we trust each other" and all change in front of one another with promises not to look. That becomes the norm due to its functionality.

Then, after some time, you guys joke about how everyone's so scared to look at each other's dicks because it's funny and helps release the tension. Then, you dare people to look at one another's dicks and realize it's just a body part and it's not a big deal. Then, at some point, y'all are so comfy together you hang out naked together as a mixture of a bonding experience (trust building) and confidence building.

At some point, you joke about dicks touching and then you dare to touch dicks, and realize that it doesn't turn you on, but it's hilarious that it's so taboo for straight guys to experience, even though it does nothing bad. The world doesn't end and you're not suddenly gay, and your buddy and you have this closeness because you trusted one another to experience something many people would totally judge you for, and yet you did it anyway, together.

You both weren't turned on at all. The attitude of the room is so jovial because this situation is ridiculous, so like true men, you take it to the next level by sword fighting with your floppy manhoods just to prove how stupid society can be. Nothing bad happens. You're still buddies with the other dude. You don't suddenly gain an attraction to men. It's all... all right.

Dicks no longer have power over you. They're just dicks and you no longer give a single shit over seeing them, or even touching them.

It feels amazing since overcoming fear and anxiety is very good for you. It feels even better because society was wrong, and it makes you feel like the ultimate fearless badass for doing so.


That's all for today. Think about it guys. Who do you side with, and why? Like, comment, subscribe.

Google+ Comments Replacing Youtube's, HORRIBLE, RIGHT?! ... Right?

In case y'all didn't notice, a long time ago in 2006 when smart phones were just emerging from the murky abyss, internet giant Google bought Youtube, causing a huge buzz among anyone who cares about internet freedom, AKA pretty much everyone else.

People were rightly concerned that Google was getting a little too big for their comfort. Elder folks and historians brought up the very valid point that television and radio both started out as an easy market to join, but certain companies snowballed until they ate up the little people. And we all lost out because of it. All of us. At present day we've got the bloated, commercialized, homogenized and frankly BORING entities we know today.

I was among that group of concerned citizens, and it turned out initially we had little to worry about. Youtube still was capable of being "You" tube, albeit with a few more commercial entities to potentially distract you and waves of issues with copyright placating, some of which continuing to this day. Fair use?! Whoever heard of that?!

Anyway, we're not here to talk about that today. We're here to talk about monopolies.

I hate that Google owns my second favorite entertainment website (first being ThatguywiththeGlasses.com, which branched off of Youtube a long time ago due to Fair Use rights being violated), my blog, my search engine, my map directions engine, and my awesome gmail account.

Even worse, they tried to buy Facebook, but thankfully, that didn't happen. So now, they're pulling a pathetic imitation of the internet changing sensation in response, Google+.

We were not impressed.

But hey, they're Google, and they own us (or at least, they think they do until we remind them AGAIN), so they forced our hands, replacing the heinous battlefield that is the Youtube comment section with their Facebook wannabe.

I'm all for stopping the inevitable reign of Google as Master of the Internet, so initially I was a bit miffed about the youtube comments and user homepage being replaced by Google's desperate reply to Facebook. I was all up in arms, ready to fight the good fight.

However, I got to thinking. Gee, this is really starting to hold people accountable for their comments. Sure, you can still make a Google+ account purely for trolling, but now there's a sense of generally increased visibility. These aren't just youtubers anymore. They are Google+ users. That makes me a user of this Facebook clone too, albeit unwillingly, and the thing about Facebook that separates it from things like 4Chan (bleh) and Youtube is a real sense of accountability and... community.

Honestly too, I feel Google+ is an upgrade in comparison to Youtube's old comment section. What are we really fighting for? Would I even freaking miss that hateful, bigoted ignorant comment section? I didn't even use it regularly until the past few weeks. Huh...

So, again, Google's treatment of Youtube is a mixed bag. On the one hand, we all hate it owning everything, knowing everything, and even owning the livelihood of our entertainment, but... I just don't know! Good play, Google. We're in check again.

Google, we're watching you too.

Very closely.

America! FUCK YEAAAH!!

America, the best country in the world.

Best? For whom exactly?

People have had a legal right to discriminate against me until hopefully 2014, when maybe civil rights will be granted for every citizen. Oh, and let's bring up ageism, how the elderly are horribly mistreated and discarded in general, or how about the jails being filled with non-violent offenders who turn violent after release? Also, the rich literally get away with murder, while I haven't been able to get a decent paying job for several years (despite having a Bachelors degree that I still haven't paid off) because so many people are misinformed about the statistics and effects of minimum wage being increased and I happen to be too young to be "experienced" and apparently degrees don't count for that any more, so therefore employers still get to offer me pay below the poverty line, or perhaps my favorite, offer me jobs where I work for free in exchange for job experience (how am I supposed to survive?!). But hey, at least I've still got EBT to feed myself with. Hey wait! Rich people, stop scraping away at my grocery money!

...

Crap! Now I need to eat ramen for dinner instead of something healthy, but at least being unhealthy later on in life won't--

Crap, that'll be way overpriced thanks to a free market running rampant. How much is your life worth, anyway? Can the free market determine that? How can I refuse to pay? And don't tell me I can just go to a competitor, because despite promises of breaking up monopolies, trusts and backroom deals, I don't see the United States government cracking down on these things in any significant way.

Despite all of this and more, I still love my country, but I wouldn't go so far as to  call it "the best". That poops all over a bunch of other countries who have much better ideas than we do about how to run a nation.

And trust me, there are a lot of good ideas we can use to improve ourselves, but first, we need to stop assuming we're the best.